As any Mom to Multiples will agree, having Twins as your first children is a game-changer. So when you think about adding to your family, there are so many more ‘what-if’s’ than if you were a parent of a singleton. Our LA Associate, Kate DiRienzo-Payne, is at that very stage now. Having had fraternal twin boys she questions the yes’s and no’s for adding to their precious family.
I was in spin class last weekend, and the instructor gave a shout out to the three pregnant mamas in class and I immediately felt jealous. I wanted to have people look at me, spinning on a bike, belly full of baby (1 preferably) and feel the baby move around. I am torn in wanting another baby or not?
The boys are almost 2 ½ and my baby-carrying window is coming to a close. There is a serious devil on one shoulder and angel on the other, fighting it out over whether to have another baby. One being my brain and the other my uterus and I don’t know who is the devil or the angel. I have been going over reasons to and not to have another baby on a weekly basis and here is where I am at.
PRO: How easy would it be to just have 1 baby.
I would really love to be like so many of my friends who just wear their baby as they go about their day, not intensely tied down to a strict schedule. It all seems so glorious – feeding 1 baby, holding 1 baby, sleep training 1 baby, literally everything but with just one!
CON: I could have another set of twins.
I really should just leave it at that, however, in defence of myself to anyone who might feel I am heartless, I know no matter who came into our lives we would love with all our being, and we are seriously obsessed with our twins. Having said that, I really don’t want to go through it all again. The first year with twins was the hardest time of my life and I am not sure I am cut out to do that again, especially with twin toddlers in tow.
PRO: I always envisioned having a big family.
I love kids and wanted about 4, some biological, some adopted. There is something sweet about the chaos that children bring and there is really something special watching them traverse through life. There is an understanding between siblings that no one can ever join. We will always be united by our past, present and future. I am thankful my boys have each other to share every family memory, to moan about my husband and I, to sneak out of the house together and drive our car without a license, to talk to each other about things they think Kris and I will never understand, and so they are not alone when we are no longer with them (ok I am crying now) and another sibling will just add to that bond.
CON: Will the 3rd one always feel left out because the twins have a unique relationship.
Will she or he go through life feeling like they aren’t good enough or left out as they boys do all the “firsts” together? And I say he or she, but lets get real, when you have 2 of one gender, I believe it is 80% chance your 3rd will also be that gender. Plus my husband’s family is all boys. I mean 3 boys?!?! In a sense I am a girly girl, not that I like sparkles and pink, in fact I don’t. But I love clothes, getting nails done, dancing and tulle skirts and fairy wings. These two couldn’t be further from that and another boy just screams more wrestling. I don’t get the incessant need to touch each other, poke one another, and wrestle all day long. It seriously drives me insane and another testosterone filled being jumping into the ring, that is actually my living room, might just kill me.
PRO: I won’t be left alone…yet.
When the twins head off to school I will have someone home still for a little bit. Each new educational beginning is going to be hard in that my two children will be separating from us a little bit more each year but at the same time. There is no gradual empty nest for parents of twins who don’t have other kids. It is a bit like quitting cold turkey.
CON: I am tired.
Even with them sleeping through the night I am still tired. The energy of a toddler is unparalleled, add a 2nd one to the mix and I might as well be running a triathlon every day. We go from 6am to 8pm every single day with a few middle of the night callings sprinkled in. I am tired.
PRO: I didn’t mind being pregnant.
It was so cool feeling the babies move around and there was something that was so private about it, where only the 3 of us were in on the secret. I loved giving birth. It bloody hurt and I did scream out a few times “I am being ripped in half,” however I would do it all over again. I want to deliver 1 baby, without the restrictions that comes with twins. My OB was perfection in that I had as close to the birth I wanted, but there were still some rules I couldn’t break. The thought of never going through labor and birthing a baby again saddens me and I don’t know if I am ready to let it go.
CON: What the will happen to my body if I have another baby.
Everything basically went back to normal after the twins but I am not so sure that would happen again. I worked really hard to be healthy and stay in shape prior to getting pregnant and during most of my pregnancy then after giving birth I had to hang up the spin shoes for quite a long time. I am just starting to get back to having some time to work out and even joined a gym this week so to have to say good-bye to that again would be really tough for me. And that is just the outside, God only knows what a 3rd baby would do to my organs, I am just not sure I am willing to risk my bladder.
So basically I am where I started, a huge I don’t know. Anyone have any suggestions?? And mom you don’t count!
Kate DiRienzo-Payne, TLC’s Prepartum Associate, has lived in Los Angeles for over 12 years. Living so far from her family in Boston meant she and her husband were going to be traveling the road to twins without the close-by support of their families. Kate set out on learning everything there is to know about twins – classes, pregnancy books, testing products to speaking with other twin moms for advice. Along with raising two happy, healthy, adventurous twin boys, she is focused on helping other twin moms in the Los Angeles area giving each other the personalised support they need. You can also follow her journey at www.kidskillcoolness.com and contact firstname.lastname@example.org for more information on our LA services[/author_info] [/author]
Are you expecting Twins? Congratulations and come join our preparing for twins classes nationwide. If you are located in Los Angeles you can join Kate with Twin Love Concierge at the monthly Expecting Twins Class held at The Pump Station, Hollywood and Right Start, Sherman Oaks.