Dividing yourself in Two – How to handle two little people demanding your attention when you are only one person.
One of the biggest challenges in having twins is when both of them need you at the same time, and you are outnumbered. When they are younger it is a little bit easier as you can carry them, feed them, and play with them at the same time but what happens when they get older, more independent, and still need you? And as one twin will tend to be more dominant and sometimes more needy-what happens when you start hearing complaints such as “Mommy, You love her better than me!” from the other twin? It breaks your heart but the reality is it is absolutely impossible to be there 100% for both children at the same time all of the time. You are only one person, so the sooner that you come to peace with the fact that you cannot split yourself into two for your two little people, the happier that you will be as a parent to your twins.
Touch, Voice, and Hold
Along with the guidance of child psychologist Lina Acosta Sandaal (www.onlineparentingsupport.com) I have found that the best strategy to handle this challenge is to think about is that all children are always looking to spread the love, and connect with you or their primary caregiver. There are three ways to achieve that-by touch, voice, and hold. So if you are holding Twin A and Twin B needs attention, use your voice with Twin B. If you are talking to Twin B and Twin A needs you, put your hand on their head so that they can feel your touch and know that you are there for them as well. These are all methods that you can utilize to connect to your twins simultaneously while keeping your own sanity and making them both feel that you are there for them, and not favoring one over the other.
Spread the love
Mothers (and parents) of multiples face different challenges as we have two children of the same age, the same developmental track (or very very close) and the same needs. Spreading the love in a way that is manageable and healthy is essential for you as a parent to keep your sanity, give to both of your children to the best of your ability. Do know though as with siblings it is normal as your twins get older that they feel jealous of one another of the attention their twin is receiving from mom or dad? So keep conscious of spreading the love, and fulfilling that connection that you have with your twins in a healthy manner for all you.
About the author
Meredith Mortimer is TLC’s Miami associate and a mother to 5 year old very energetic twin girls. Born in Los Angeles, Meredith lived in Spain for 8 years before relocating to Miami and has worked in television marketing for over 10 years. With a BA in psychology, Meredith’s passion for being a mom to multiples is apparent. She is an active participant in moms groups and provides support and advice wherever she can, and will even go up to complete strangers who have multiples to offer words of encouragement. Meredith is also passionate about health and overall wellness, and is an avid runner and yogi. You can reach Meredith at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information on our Miami services.