Here at Twin Love Concierge we meet the most amazing Moms of Twins & Triplets and often hear of moms of multiple multiples. So when Jen contacted us we absolutely had to have her share the beautiful family life of The Kelly Family with two sets of twins under three – so blessed!
I am a mother of multiple multiples (a MoMM). I have (2) sets of boy/girl twins that were born a little less than 15 months apart, currently ages 3 and 2. When people find out my family is comprised of so many young children I get asked many questions:
“Do you have help?”
“How do you do it all?”
“Are you ‘done’?”
What is it like being a MoMM?
Currently it means I’m trying to feed breakfast to 3 children (both 3 year olds and one of 2 year olds) who woke up way too early and are extremely cranky all while trying to keep them quiet enough for my other 2 year old to get enough rest. It means I’m tired, it means I’m touched out. It means I don’t go to the bathroom alone, it means I don’t take a shower in privacy and unless I can take four toddlers with me, it means I don’t go places. Some days it means that all I want to do is hide in my closet because all I hear is four toddlers saying: “Mommy, I need…”
I hear endlessly from people, “I don’t know how you do it!” and the truth is some days are really really hard. Being responsible for four little lives is trying. It’s stressful. It’s love and care without limits. My kids don’t care if I didn’t sleep the night before or if I have a head cold. Nor should they, they’re babies. It means my patience is worn thin at times and emptying a dishwasher turns into a 45 minute process because of all the “Mommy I want to help!”‘s. It means I’ve had to stop writing this paragraph 7 (yes, 7!) times for 2 potty runs, the 2 yr old I was trying to keep asleep woke up screaming, one of the 3 year olds needed “juice-y”, the other one can’t eat her cereal by herself, the other 2 year old wants the iPad and of course to tend to the (now burning) eggs I forgot I put on the stove.
It means I have a unique life understood by very few. It means I’ve given up some things in my personal life because they didn’t serve my families needs. It means my relationship with my husband has become stronger as we rely on one another and see the world the same way, yet differently than most. It means my life, for the last almost four years, has revolved around nursing, bottles, meals, snack time, naps and planned activities as to not throw a wrinkle in our already hectic schedule. It means I know down to a 10-minute window of time when each child will nap or go to bed. I know each day whether their moods will allow me to run errands or whether I’ll just be putting out fires until bedtime.
It means I’m organized, it means I’ve gone places emotionally that I never knew I existed. It means I’m a master negotiator with my children and with our time. It means I’ve been supported by friends, family and our community but it also means I’ve been subject to mean and hurtful things being said about myself but worse, my children.
Mostly, it means my cup is full, overflowing in fact
It means I have four people who depend on me and love me like I have never been loved before. It means only my kisses can heal away four little boo boos. It means so many smiles and songs (very squeaky renditions of Let It Go and Van Morrison’s Moon Dance). It means watching these little people form these incredible bonds I’d never seen before. They understand and love one another on a level I couldn’t fathom unless watching it unfold, as I am lucky enough to be able to do. They love each other, they care for each other and my family is exactly the way it is supposed to be.
I am so blessed to have this life. I am so thankful for my craziness or as I refer to it my “controlled chaos”. While we have our challenges my children have shown me so much, what love looks like, what’s truly important in life, how to keep moving forward. Really they’ve taught me how to thrive in our unique situation rather than just survive it.
Other things I often hear: “Wow, you’re supermom!” or “You’re so brave!” because I do everything a mother with a smaller family would do. Any given day you’ll find us hiking, on nature walks, visiting museums and the aquarium. We go shopping together, to the park, we bake. We do so many science experiments and art projects together. We just drove the 18+ hours from NY to Florida last week with them and went to Disney for the first time as a family!
Being a MoMM or a MoM doesn’t have to be scary
It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Those feelings do and will exist throughout motherhood but I try to keep in mind that my children are only young once and this truly is just a season in our lives. For me, it was a matter of shifting perspective. Yes, being a mother of so many young children is challenging. We have some bad days but they are few and far between because I’m pretty insistent on that and I know it starts with me. The attitude that I wake up with every day determines the tone and feeling in our home. I try and stay focused on providing as stress free and chaos-less home as possible for my kids and they respond to it. I give myself time outs, I forgive myself when I fail, I stay organized and on schedule but as flexible as possible. I let my kids lead and tell me what they need and I adjust my parenting style based on each of their individual needs.
I’ve learned not to compare my mothering journey with anyone else’s because it’s unique and if I tried to keep up with everyone else, I’d fall short, not be present for my children, and not enjoy this amazing ride.
Supporting other MoM’s is so important
Anytime I learn of a friend or acquaintance who’s expecting multiples I try to provide nothing but excitement and encouragement for them. I know that it can be an overwhelming, scary and exciting time. I also know that they’ll be met with many “better you than me”‘s, “so you’re done after this, right”‘s or “you better get help” (and all the other awesome things twin moms are subject to hearing) but my honest to God feeling is that they’re about to learn what the real meaning of love is. Both in meeting their multiples but in growing their marriage/relationships and in learning what they are truly made of and who they really are.
Being a mother of multiple multiples is an incredible journey. One with extreme twists and turns, ups and downs, long days, and short years. So here are the things I wish someone had said to me when I became a mother of multiples: they will sleep, I promise. Take deep breathes. Keep a sense of humor about all the craziness it will go fast. You are doing a great job and most importantly, enjoy this amazing ride.
Jen is currently a stay at home mother to (2) sets of boy/girl twins ages 3 & 2 living in the NYC suburbs with her family. Having previously worked in the fashion industry, she is in the midst of making a career change, to help families adjust to life with their multiples. She enjoys all things fitness, especially yoga and running. She loves being a mother to multiples and is inspired to help others feel the same way! You can connect and follow Jen’s adventure in life with multiple multiples via twitter @multipliedmama or on instagram @mamaofmultiples